


Pagliacci

by Bannhammer



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Hagumi is sad, Sadness, everything is sad, oof
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 18:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17709380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bannhammer/pseuds/Bannhammer
Summary: Pulled in two directions by her family and the band, what happens when Hagumi just lets go?





	Pagliacci

As usual, Hagumi ran. Not for her own enjoyment, this time, but out of necessity. Rehearsal started about 10 minutes ago, and she found herself literally running late. She almost always arrived on time, usually one of the first to get there, given her speed and natural desire to be around her friends. This day, though, she got held up, her usual pace slowed a bit by something that ate at her more and more with every passing day.

She’d heard them yelling before, her parents caring less and less about making a spectacle as the years went on; lately though, things seemed to hit a new low point. Their relationship went right through the foundation and now rattled the bedrock, common courtesies forsaken in order to really throw barbs back and forth. Small glares and muttered sarcastic remarks replaced by outright shouts and insults; while they at least spared their kids from being the target most of the time, every now and then a comment would slip out that left Hagumi’s tender heart to harden.

She felt heavier, at the very least, her feet unable to carry her with that usual care free spirit that so essentially drove her forward. Now every step seemed weighed down by lead, held by her ankles by overanalyzed barbs and self-fulfilling insults. Annoying, uncaring, obnoxious, the words lobbed from parent to parent with every intention to leave marks, catching Hagumi in the middle wondering frantically which were meant for them, and which for her.

She spotted Kaoru first, out of them all, her sheer height and penchant for the flamboyant making her the band’s signpost, though Kokoro could always be seen a moment later, if she didn’t catch the eye first with her antics. In fact, right after spotting that purple ponytail, a pair of legs went whipping by, another cartwheel from the singer as she giggled with glee. The rest of the band, sitting at a small table for two with their coffees firmly held in both hands, remained off to the side, idly chatting amongst themselves with their signature looks of optimistic unease.

Hagumi picked up her pace, worn sneakers loudly slapping on the pavement as she lugged her bass along, surprised to see them all outside, instead of in the studio, practicing without her. She did not remember her part being particularly... necessary, and wondered if maybe Kokoro, as she often did, simply canceled practice in favor of just hanging out.

Coming to a skidding stop, Hagumi bent over, hands on her knees, sucking in air. Wide eyed, she felt oddly out of breath, she ran from home to practice so many times before, why was she suddenly winded? Raising a hand, she opened her mouth, but just ended up sputtering, mouth flapping like a fish out of water before she faced the ground again, staring at her sneakers. Before she had time to properly gather herself, Kokoro skipped on over, grabbing Hagumi by the shoulders and lifting her up into a hug, never minding the sweat or labored breath.

“Hagumi, there you are!” she chirped, eyes sparkling, per usual. The wool cap barely fit over her unruly mass of hair, apparently the perfect choice for summer weather, according to Kokoro.

“S-sorry for being late, Kokoron.” Hagumi panted, leaning into her friend and gazing over her shoulder, able to make out most of the others even through the golden hair flowing out from under Kokoro’s cap. “Hagumi thought you’d be practicing!”

“Without our dearest kitten? Ohoho, how could we make our lovely symphony without one of our own?” Kaoru chimed in, lifting her hand, head pointing away as she pressed two fingers to her own lips.

“Truly, we are as a rose, and you are a petal, we’d be incomplete!”

“A... rose?” Kanon murmured, glancing at Misak, lifting up her iced coffee to take a timid sip.

“Ah, I think I’m the thorns, then.” came the DJ’s reply, shrugging one of her shoulders. Graphic t-shirt, shorts, sneakers, hat, the perfect ensemble for your average teenager with very little effort to put in.

“What kept you, Hagumi?” She called out, raising an eyebrow as Kokoro disengaged from the hug. “Must’ve run a long way to tire someone like _you_ out.” The last sentence came from over her coffee cup, a long and slow sip following her remark as she enjoyed the taste of an over-sugared roast.

“Hagumi just came from ho-” Hagumi cut herself off, blinking a few times, her efforts to come up with an excuse rather transparent, at least to Misaki and Kanon, who sat there expectantly while Kokoro and Kaoru quickly occupied themselves.

“Well, Hagumi _was_ home, but then Hagumi was running here, and Hagumi saw some kids playing soccer, so Hagumi joined them for a bit, and Hagumi lost track of time, so then Hagumi ran here, and now... Hagumi’s.... here?” she ‘explained’, the rise in pitch making it clear she asked a question rather than stated a fact. Trembling lips precluded hiding a weak smile, Hagumi’s face sagging downward along with the rest of her body, the guilt of lying only adding to the weight she felt on her shoulders.

Misaki opened her mouth to probe further, but a hand on her arm dissuaded her. Kanon just quietly shook her head before offering a smile to Hagumi. “Well, we’re glad you made it, Hagumi-chan.” When the orange haired bassist didn’t meet her gaze, Kanon faltered a bit, biting her lip but ultimately remaining silent. Instead, she just turned back towards Misaki, a furrowed brow about as close as she could get to scornful.

“Yeah, maybe now we can practice for the show in _three days_.” Misaki grumbled, reluctantly forcing herself to stand before snapping her fingers towards the other two thirds of sanbaka.

Currently, they seemed engaged in making absolute fools of themselves, which felt par for the course. The taller girl had the vocalist held by the waist, spinning her around as they sang ‘Orchestra of smiles’, perhaps a new addition to the show, or just a spontaneous moment of idiocy. Either way, Misaki resisted the urge to rub her temples, instead just deadpanning

"Oy! Kokoro, Kaoru-san, it’s time to practice.”

The two broke apart, Kokoro leaping from the other’s grip to land gracefully on her toes, launching herself in a dead sprint towards CiRCLE. Normally, Hagumi gave chase, being the only one actually capable of not only keeping pace with the blonde, but actually beat her. This time, instead, she remained motionless, idly wringing the strap that kept her bass against her back. Misaki, for her part, just wandered in alongside Kaoru, her unamused expression shutting down the thespian before she could begin to wax poetic.

It was up to Kanon, then, to gently hook an arm with Hagumi, offering a small smile and nod of encouragement before coaxing her to follow. They went silently, and before long the entire band managed to get to the rehearsal room, where Misaki quickly got to work putting everyone in their proper station and directing them to quickly set up their equipment.

Having the bass in her hands helped Hagumi feel a bit better, the weight and feel of it against her stomach and hips a familiar one. Still, she didn’t crack her usual smile, instead just staring wistfully down at her Rickenbacker copy, weathered fingertips idly ghosting over the strings to make muted notes. Using an oversized pick, she tried to go through the progressions Misaki emailed to her, hitting a nice little sequence of notes just to warm up. It felt sterile, the usual cheer she got from making music instead falling flat. Her whole body sagged, a massive sigh leaving her properly deflated now, hunched over and idly picking at the strings, waiting for practice to begin in earnest.

Kokoro picked a song that wasn’t on the setlist; Misaki didn’t have the energy to argue, so Kanon set the beat and everyone joined in. Having played the track enough times, Hagumi plodded along the bassline through sheer instinct, not that any of the songs really required much from her, just keep the proper time.  Really, she didn’t have much responsibility in the band; Misaki wrote her easy parts, probably because she thought Hagumi couldn’t play anything actually difficult. She practiced pretty hard, but at the end of the day nothing she said would change anything.

It felt like home, just doing the same thing over and over again and hoping you don’t make the mistake that gets everyone’s attention. If there was anything that scared Hagumi nowadays, it was when Mom and Dad turned their collective anger onto her or her brother. Common ground seemed far and few between, but you could bet that if they both decided that you were being ‘annoying’, then you’d have a rough night, and a few more after that, probably. Sometimes she just wished she could melt into the floor at home, just turn into a Hagumi puddle and go down the drain so she didn’t have to hear them yelling or throwing things. They almost broke her bass, once, and when she shouted at her Dad he just told her to stop playing it, to give it back to her brother because ‘girls dont play in rock bands’.

She tried to tell them they weren’t even a ro-

“Hagumi!”

Misaki’s sudden outburst yanked Hagumi out of her stupor, blinking wildly and looking around, only to find that the music had stopped and everyone was staring at her. A lump formed in her throat, the pick slipping from her fingers to lightly clatter on the floor. “Yeah, Mii-kun?”

“You missed the transition again. Are you paying attention?” Misaki seemed to be glaring daggers from her side of the room, laptop and turntables casting a glow onto her face that only accentuated the annoyance. For a moment she seemed ready to shout again, but a faint ‘tsk’ escaped her instead. Hagumi couldn’t explain it, but she’d almost prefer to be yelled at.

“Sorry, Mii-kun.” she muttered, the words hollow, voice thin and fragile like a christmas ornament.

“Just... pay attention to Kanon, you two are the rhythm section. As soon as she does the cymbal crash, we go uptempo and transition to the new progression, just like _always_.”

Instead of responding, the bassist just nodded, quickly bending over to get her pick off the floor. She winced as her instrument banged on the ground, quickly jumping back up to inspect it, a worried expression on her face, embarrassment leaving her cheeks a dusty shade of red.

Practice resumed, and Hagumi tried her best to keep up. No matter what, her focus waned, and she’d miss a note, or forget to chime in for the chorus. Every little mistake added up until she was sniffling by the end, constantly reminded of her errors by Misaki, who seemed to take pleasure in stopping everyone in their tracks to ask Hagumi if she really forgot the songs overnight. Shaking her head furiously, Hagumi couldn’t offer any replies. Instead, she would just wait for Misaki’s frustration to wear out until they could start again. HaroHapi couldn’t get through a single song without an issue, and by the end of rehearsal Hagumi wanted the floor to swallow her up.

Misaki had enough, and everyone agreed to end things after a disastrous attempt at ‘Orchestra of Smiles’. Desperate to get away, Hagumi yanked the cable out of her bass, letting it smack on the floor, the strap undone and the instrument quickly shoved into its carrying case. She wanted to leave, to get outside, get some _fresh air_ before the mood in here suffocated her.

Kokoro quickly came to her side, small hands swiftly wrapped around the bassist before she could sling the case over her back. Nose ruffling through orange hair, she released a small whine, squeezing Hagumi tight.

“Do you have a cold, Hagumi? We can get you some hot chocolate, or maybe some miso?”

“Hagumi is fine, Kokoron, just a little tired, Hagumi thinks.” the bassist muttered, unable to hear Kanon and Misaki’s tense conversation on the other side of the room, the sounds muffled and honestly not as appealing as the girl currently holding her close.

“Well, I’ll walk you home, at least! Then you can get some sleep and be super ready for practice tomorrow!” Hagumi, even in her despairing state, found it hard to resist that chipper voice. With a nervous giggle, she relented, returning the squeeze before Kokoro jumped away, beaming happily. The blonde held out her hand, bouncing on her toes and letting out a little squeal as Hagumi took hold.

Flipflops smacked on the concrete as Kokoro skipped ahead, managing to somehow keep her stride while looking over her shoulder, watching as Hagumi trudged along behind. Orange light seemed to ignite her wild hair into an even brighter shade, a sight that only served to amuse the singer more, trying to keep the widest smile possible even as she watched her friend struggle.

“Soooo, you don’t have a cold? The flu? A runny nose?”

“Kokoron, Hagumi told you, it’s nothing!” Hagumi replied, her voice strained.

“Oh, are you sad, then?” Hitting the nail on the head, as usual, Kokoro came to a complete stop. Hagumi’s momentum carried her right into the chipper girl, who didn’t budge at the contact. “Do you want to get ice cream? Ooh, maybe we can go to the batting cages again, that always cheers you up!”

“Hagumi doesn’t think ice cream is going to help today.”

Thin fingers found rosy cheeks, keeping the bassist’s head firmly in place as golden eyes beamed. “Well, what can I do to make you happy again, Hagumi? Anything you want, no questions asked!” The desperation in her words was hidden well by the bubbles in her voice, the desire to make people not sad narrowing the world until it was only Hagumi. She held tight, focusing right on the girl in her hands, trying to see if she could read something out of her.

Yet, this time, Hagumi seemed so uncharacteristically _un-Hagumi-ish._

Her usual energy, blatant in every part of her, simply didn’t exist. Instead of darting around, wide and excited, her eyes remained focused on the ground, or at least, what little she could see of it with Kokoro in the way. Hagumi’s heartbeat, usually so slow and peaceful, raced as if she had a song trapped in her chest. Blinking, Kokoro tried hard to piece everything together, trying to find the answer to this odd situation.

Sighing faintly, Hagumi glanced up, meeting Kokoro’s gaze. She almost wished that the blonde used puppy dog eyes, but that wide grin held far more power than any gentle frown. The guilt she felt only amplified looking into pure platonic love, rather than some selfish sense of hurt. It would be so much easier to lie and push Kokoro away if she would just stop smiling, stop being so happy, stop being so devoted and eager to please. Hagumi wanted to be like that; she wanted to be like everyone else in the band, all so cool or at least _useful_ in their own ways. Yet gazing into the face of a girl that wanted nothing more in the world right now than make Hagumi happy just had the bassist wondering where the nearest sinkhole was.

As badly as she wanted to say yes, to let Kokoron drag her away to do something fun and engaging and distracting, Hagumi couldn’t bring herself to do it. She felt awful, and it would only spread. Wouldn’t she be a terrible person if she made Kokoron sad, too? It was like the flu, you felt miserable but you stayed home, because the only thing worse than being sick was spreading it around. She couldn’t imagine Kokoron being unhappy, and the thought of being the one to cause that made it easier than Hagumi expected to decline the offer.

“Not today, Kokoron. Hagumi needs to get home.” Simple, blunt, and not technically a lie. Hagumi untangled herself from Kokoron, carefully ducking and slithering her arms out of the blonde’s grip.

Or at least, she tried.

“No! No no, I mean, we can do something fun, real fun! Besides, you don’t _want_ to be home, right?”

“What?”

“Your parents are yelling at each other again, right?” She stated confidently, hands on hips, still smiling, so sure of her statement’s truth that the bluntness of it didn’t seem to be an issue.

Hagumi deflated again, all of her previous anxieties only compounded by the facts being shoved right into her face. An awful frown seized her lips, yanking the corners down as she felt the sniffles returning.

“So then don’t go home! It makes you sad being there, so don’t go there! See?” As if she’d stated the most obvious fact in the world, Kokoro eagerly reached for Hagumi’s hand to tug her along. “We’ll go to my place, you can spend the night! We can watch movies, and eat candy, and maybe I can get Michelle to visit and cheer you up, wouldn’t that-”

“It doesn’t matter where Hagumi goes, Kokoron!” squeaked Hagumi, the sound less akin to a mouse and more like a weathered bike horn, jagged and worn. “At home, at school, on the baseball diamond, even in practice, even with _you_ , Hagumi is sad!”

That... didn’t make sense. Ok, maybe she could be sad around others, or by herself, but with Kokoro? It was _impossible_ to be sad. Opening her mouth to speak, Kokoro found herself cut off instead.

“Hagumi feels tired everywhere, and sad, and alone, and like someone is flying overhead, ready to drop a big rock on Hagumi’s head! Maybe... maybe Hagumi is making Hagumi sad.” That frown deepened, eyes scrunched up tight to fight back those pesky tears threatening to squeeze out of the corners of pure green eyes. Fists clenched so hard her knuckles turned white, Hagumi felt ready to burst, either from sadness or from the pure desire to just _stop_ existing.

“Hagumi... makes... Hagumi.......... Sad?” Kokoro repeated, a lengthy pause between each word. Head tilted to the side, she wore that same grin, though her eyes glazed over as she tried to walk herself through what her friend just said.

Hagumi = sad. Got it. That part made sense. People got sad sometimes, no big deal. To cure sadness, you needed to know what made you sad and either fix it, or get rid of it! Simple enough, sticking to the textbook so far. But... if you made _yourself_ sad...

If one could tap into Kokoro’s brain at this very moment, they’d hear two things: first, the unholy screaming of someone completely at a loss for anything resembling coherent thought, and secondly, the old sound of dial up internet.

To the singer, the idea of making yourself sad felt completely _wrong_ , if not impossible. It would be like looking at computer code, searching for a bug, only to find nestled deep within the ones and zeroes....

A two.

_How did that get there? What does that even mean? How do you even fix that?_

As she wrestled with this newfound information, Kokoro just stared right ahead. Hagumi managed to pull herself together, now just sniffling instead of fighting with all of her will against a rush of tears. Now she just watched her friend frozen in place, eyes blank, smile frozen onto her face.

“Well, uh. Hagumi is going to-”

“Ok!” Kokoro powered back on, the shine returning to her eyes and her head snapping back straight. For once, she needed the conversation to end. Without any idea of what to do, or what to say, she found herself in unexplored territory. All of her usual ideas to bring smiles to people’s faces went right out the window, and she felt like taking a leap after them.

Still, she had to jump at Hagumi and give her a big squeeze, just for a few seconds, before slowly pulling back. “Have a good night, Hagumi! We’ll see you tomorrow, and it’ll be great!”

Blinking, the bassist mentally crawled out of that car wreck and just nodded, turning giving a meek wave before trudging her way past Kokoro to head home.

For her part, the vocalist had her phone in hand, furiously trying to make a new group for messages. A good while passed, with her simply standing on the sidewalk, staring down at her phone, thumbs sending out a barrage of desperate messages to everyone else in HaroHapi, with Hagumi the only one not on the list. After a few replies came in, she broke into a dead sprint, losing a flip flop as she careened back towards CiRCLE.

Over the next thirty minutes or so, members of the band trickled back to the studio cafe. Kokoro arrived first, taking a table and bouncing in her chair while she waited. Kanon arrived first, a little short on breath, given how quickly she turned and jogged back after receiving the summons. She took a seat, opening her mouth to ask what was going on, but Kokoro quickly shut her down. Everyone needed to be here, she replied, still bouncing, looking as if she had a koi in her mouth that was going to leap out at any moment, cheeks puffed out.

That left them both in silence, with Kaoru receiving the same treatment when she finally arrived. For a solid ten minutes, the trio waited for Misaki to turn up. Kanon checked her phone, debating whether or not to send a message of her own. Kokoro seemed equally concerned, though it manifested itself in impatient drumming against the table, open handed, palms slapping and feet stomping.

“Should I call Mi-” Kanon started, glancing up from her phone.

“No! She’ll be here, she’s just sloooooow.” the singer whined, resting her cheek flat against the table.

“Maybe she-”

“I know she’ll be here, Kanon! We just have to wait.”

“We must have faith in our dutiful stand-in DJ.” Kaoru added, currently occupied with her hair, a hand flicking at her bangs to make them just the right amount of messy.

“She’s not a stand-in.” Kanon muttered half-heartedly, unable to just go with their stupidity, no matter how many times Misaki told her to just ignore it. Staring down at her phone, she heard Misaki before she saw her... or at least, she heard Kokoro’s chair clatter to the ground as she leapt out of her seat.

“Ah, Misaki!”

“Sorry, sorry, I was on the train when I got your message, had to find my way back... this is important, right?” the DJ grumbled, that usual look of exasperation plastered on her face as she walked past Kokoro to take a seat.

“It is the MOST important thing!” Kokoro insisted, leaving her chair lying sideways on the ground as she slammed both palms onto the table. If she didn’t already have everyone’s attention before, she sure did now. They all just stared at her, slightly wide eyed, various levels of tension and discomfort evident on their faces. Kaoru looked simply confused; Kanon’s lip trembled, eyes darting around; Misaki simply watched Kokoro with her usual skepticism and nervous anticipation.

“Hagumi is sad, like, really sad!”

Kokoro expected gasps and shocked expressions, maybe some crying. Instead, everyone just looked at her with varying degrees of... confusion? Shame? Blinking a few times, the blonde went from face to face, reading the mood rather quickly.

“Wait, you all _knew_?”

“It was pretty obvious.” Misaki muttered, glancing over at Kanon, who seemed to believe that if she stared at her hands, nobody would see how upset she looked.

“Our favorite kitten didn’t seem herself, today, I’ll admit.” Kaoru contributed, her expression neutral, with a slight tinge of sheepishness.

“But... none of you said anything, or did anything!”

“What _could_ we have done?” Again, Misaki led the way, this time leaning in to the conversation physically, elbows resting on the table.

“You could have asked if she was ok, or tried to see if you could help...” Kokoro’s volume quieted down, not out of a lack of passion, but because of the rising disappointment in her chest.

“We knew _you_ would do that better than any of us could.” At least, that was Misaki’s answer; she couldn’t really answer for the others, but given the way they looked at her, they seemed to appreciate her effort to explain their inaction.

Kokoro, not fully satisfied by that response, turned her attention to Kaoru and Kanon in turn, each of whom simply tried their best to look away. Offering a small ‘hm’, the vocalist faced Misaki once more, gaze narrowing. “Ok! We’re all on the same page then. What do we do?”

“What _can_ we do?” Misaki countered, arms folded across her chest as she leaned back in her seat.

“All sorts of things! We could throw a party, or surprise her with presents, or maybe make her a big card filled with notes from all of her friends!”

Again, Misaki answered on everyone’s behalf, a bit of annoyance creeping into her tone.

“And you think that will make Hagumi all better? If we do that, she won’t be sad anymore?”

“Well, we-”

“You know she’s sad because of her parents. Everything you just mentioned would be a distraction at best.”

“At least I’m _trying!”_ Kokoro whined, not as much frustrated as she was desperate for some kind of solution. The idea of Hagumi being miserable ate at her insides, and she felt the sense of hopelessness creeping up her spine, slowly but surely.

“We just don’t know what to do.” Kanon muttered, still gazing down at her lap. She didn’t want to chime in at all, but leaving the weight of the conversation solely on Misaki’s shoulders felt wrong, in a way. Sometimes you had to be assertive, even if it was to break bad news.

“But not knowing what to do doesn’t mean you do _nothing_.”

“Not doing anything is better than making things worse by doing the _wrong_ thing!” Misaki appreciated Kanon’s effort, but given the way she already recoiled at Kokoro’s response, she once again took over. Besides, she felt like it was her duty to try and rein in the blonde.

“Helping your friends is never the wrong thing to do!” Kokoro raised her voice, not to shout angrily, but just to be heard. Maybe Misaki wasn’t really listening, maybe she didn’t get her point, but Kokoro had to believe what she said, one hundred percent. Her eyes widened just a bit, posture straightening, as she once again swept her gaze across all three friends.

“If you fail, and end up hurting them, then yes, it is!” Misaki, by comparison, had no qualms about shouting. In the blink of an eye she went from leaning back, disengaged, to full forward, palms flat on the table as she _glared_ up at Kokoro. It could be so frustrating, sometimes, to hear idyllic and well intentioned _nonsense_.

“We don’t know what to do, that doesn’t mean we don’t _want_ to help... It just means we don’t know how to do it! Don’t assume we don’t care just because we want to approach things carefully. But what would you know about _careful_ , Kokoro? I bet you just asked Hagumi, right to her face, if her parents were arguing again!”

Everyone frowned at that, for different reasons. Kaoru and Kanon shared a quick glance, temporarily thankful that they weren’t the only bystander, and not the target of this outburst. Misaki felt months of frustration boiling up, only made worse by Kokoro’s insinuation that she didn’t care.

“Why are you yelling at me?” Lifting her hands from the table, Kokoro visibly sagged, lips turned down in a wholly foreign shape: a genuine frown.

“Because you’re being stubborn again.” This time, Kanon chimed in, finally looking up from her lap. She had to try and make peace here, before things got out of control. She could handle a good discussion, and emotions ran high between friends; that was natural. Here, though, things got a bit more personal, and she couldn’t bear it.

“But Kokoro-chan is right, too.” Try to be impartial, try to bring both sides together. “We need to do something, _but_... we should be careful to consider Hagumi’s feelings.”

Kaoru silently nodded, her lone contribution to the conversation thus far. She personally had no clue if she was on any side at all, but when things got heated, she deferred to the common good... if only because she couldn’t bluff her way through anything like this with a few quotes and hand gestures. Unfortunately for her, neutrality would only go so far.

“I get what you mean...” Kokoro started, turning away from Misaki towards Kanon. “... but you guys didn’t hear how sad she is. She told me how miserable she is, and I can’t just sit around while knowing she’s hurting so bad!”

“What are you going to do?” Misaki deadpanned, feeling rather silly for believing that Kokoro might actually consider a different approach to things.

For once, Kokoro bit her tongue, aware of the fact that a bad answer would only make Misaki more exasperated. Looking around, her gaze immediately settled on Kaoru. Her lack of participation in the conversation only meant one thing... she was completely on Kokoro’s side, and would therefore agree to helping her out!

“Well, me and Kaoru are going to fix the root of the problem!”

The thespian, who so far had been coasting through the conversation with little input, found herself suddenly in the spotlight. Straightening up, her eyes widened, a sensation of whiplash coming over her.

“The root?” she pondered out loud, blinking at Kokoro.

“Her parents!” The blonde gleefully exclaimed with all the confidence of someone who didn’t really understand the concept of ‘consequences’.

“Oh no.” Kanon and Misaki intoned in unison. After sharing a quick glance, both tried to interject, to break off this line of reasoning before Kokoro did something really, truly, unbelievably stupid.

“Kokoro-chan, I don’t think-”

“Kokoro, you can’t seriously-”

Both stopped, looking at each other again, silently and politely trying to let the other go first. Unfortunately, their manners ended up being their undoing, as the silence created by their mix up allowed Kokoro to continue her train of thought.

"Hagumi is sad because her parents are arguing, right? Well, her parents are arguing because they’re sad, too! So if we can make her parents happy again, then they won’t argue, and then Hagumi will be happy!” Kokoro beamed, completely assured in the logical progression she laid out. The transitive property of happiness, she’d call it, and probably a future song too, if HaroHapi went more avant garde.

After hearing that, Misaki didn’t much care if she spoke over Kanon. With a look of pure disbelief, she gripped the bridge of her nose.

“So what, you’re just going to make them fall in love all over again, forget whatever is making them angry?”

“Great idea! I just thought we would like, sit down with them and explain how sad Hagumi was... but that might be even better!” Kokoro chirped, glancing towards Kaoru, who already had most of the color drained from her face.

“Kaoru knows all about love, after all. We’ll have them back in love in no time!”

“Err, Kokoro, maybe we should- that is to say... mayhaps we should try a different approach?” Kaoru replied, voice a little strained and lips pulled tight into a rather nervous smile.

“Why?”

“Well...” The thespian thought carefully, looking down at the table for a few moments as the hamster in her mind collapsed, spun around and around by the very wheel it so desperately spun. “As the bard said... love is not something that can be so easily rediscovered!”

Angling her head, Kokoro simply watched, hoping that she’d get a further explanation, or at least a clarification.

“Love is _fleeting_?” Kaoru offered the inflection at the end making it sound more like a question than a statement. She looked towards Kanon and Misaki, who each looked stunned before quietly nodding. They glanced at each other, then back to Kaoru, before their nodding became more vigorous.

Perhaps, were the setting not so serious and somber, they would have had a more excited reaction to Kaoru actually using that word properly for once. Instead, everyone just went quiet, gazes flicking about, hands wringing, nobody quite confident enough to try and follow that up with anything of their own.

Despite the conversation’s helpless direction, Kokoro remained undeterred. She furrowed her brow, glancing between everyone, as if she were a disappointed parent offering one final chance to speak up. Instead, she received silence. Straightening her shoulders, the blonde reached out, gently placing her hand on Kaoru’s wrist.

“Let’s go, Kaoru, we’ll think of something!” she insisted, her smile simply too overpowering for the thespian to resist. At least it sounded like Kokoro wouldn’t go right for Hagumi’s parents, and with few other options, the actor stood, letting the vocalist lead her away.

Misaki and Kanon simply remained seated, offering quiet waves and strained smiles, watching as two thirds of the three idiots ventured off to try and save the final member. They waited until Kokoro was out of earshot, and a few minutes more, before either opted to speak up.

“Should we-”

“I think it’s best to let Kokoro do what she wants.”

Kanon blinked a few times, glancing off in the direction the pair left in, as if she could see them figuring out some dramatic plan of action.

“She always wins in the end, right?” Misaki assured, arms folded across her chest, leaning back in her seat. She looked neither concerned nor motivated, simply watching Kanon with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, she put a smile back on Akari’s face.”

“Hagumi-chan is different, though.” Kanon quietly insisted, looking back at Misaki, a frown etched onto her face. “I think... I think Kokoro-chan might be out of her depth, for once.”

“We’ve thought that before, but she always came out alright. It’s not like she hasn’t surprised us plenty of times.”

“Stop acting like this is just more of the same.” The drummer pleaded, leaning forward slightly. “Hagumi-chan is really, really hurting... and we both know that Kokoro-chan’s approach could end up making things worse.”

Misaki didn’t reply, not at first; instead, she looked down at the table, hands tucked under her armpits. The visor of her cap hid her eyes for a few moments, leaving Kanon to sit there, still leaned forward, still desperate for some kind of assurance.

Eventually, the DJ simply sighed, looking back up. “We can’t convince Kokoro not to do what she wants. If she really thinks she’s going to make Hagumi all better, then she’s going to try.”

“Yes, but-”

“So we’re going to trust her, and see where things go.”

“Why don’t we do something ourselves?”

“Like what?”

“...” Kanon bit her lip, glance darting sideways as she tried to quickly think of something.

“Michelle jumping out of a cake at a surprise party might cheer her up for a day, but it won’t fix anything. What she’s dealing with is way out of our expertise."

“But we can’t... I mean we’re talking about our friend!”

“...” Misaki took her turn at silence, lips pursed into a thin line.

The lack of a response made Kanon deflate slightly, sliding back into her chair, a look of dismay on her face. “Misaki-chan!”

“What?”

“She’s your friend!” The drummer quickly straightened her posture, a slight look of annoyance on her features as she leaned forward, palms flat on the table.

“If you were miserable, she’d be bouncing off the walls trying to see how she could help!”

“She’s always bouncing off the walls!” Misaki countered, immediately regretting it, a slight wince following her words.

“Don’t treat Hagumi like she’s a burden. That’s probably how she already feels.” Kanon started, tone achingly empty, eyes open, not even looking at Misaki.

“I’m not _trying_ to make things worse. You know that!”

“She’d be doing everything she could to make you happy again. Hagumi-chan would drive herself crazy trying to figure out if she could do anything to make you feel better!” Kanon completely ignored Misaki’s statement, going right back to the heart of her argument.

“I wouldn’t ask her to do that!” Misaki countered, brow furrowed slightly at the assault.

“You wouldn’t have to!” Kanon fired back, tone heavily laden with desperation. “Because she’s your _friend_ , because that’s what friends _do_!”

“She doesn’t even know I’m Michelle!” Misaki tried to scramble away from the onslaught, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, with all of Kanon’s frustration focused right on the DJ.

“Maybe because Michelle is always so nice to her, she can’t believe you two are the same person!” Eyes closed, fists clenched, Kanon seemed to be holding her breath after that little outburst. She just stayed like that for a few moments, her voice having reached levels it rarely did, especially around Misaki.

For her part, the DJ sat there, stunned. The comment hurt, because, well... Kanon basically called her an asshole. Perhaps someone else would hear something like that and decide to be better, to really try to change. Instead, Misaki’s self-preservation instincts kicked in, and she opened her mouth to tell Kanon what she _really_ thought!

The drummer spoke first, either sensing the oncoming rebuttal, or just too tired to keep arguing.

“You are going to go and talk to your _friend_ , not because you _have_ to, or because nobody else can, but because she is your _friend_ , and you care about her.” she intoned, shoulders up and brow furrowed.

Kanon probably figured that was her finishing move, a single statement meant to open Misaki’s eyes. For a moment, she felt satisfied, body starting to relax, her eyes opening up. She even glanced up at the other girl, about to offer a small smile, because obviously after hearing that, Misaki would agree.

“Why don’t you talk to her, then?”

“...?” The drummer blinked, caught completely blindsided by that rebuttal.

“Why are you putting all the pressure on me? You’re her friend, too!” Misaki nearly barked, face flushed with annoyance. She hugged herself tighter, looking off in a completely different direction.

“Oh, I guess it’s easier to just ask me to do it, huh? You know I’m already the one ordering people around, I’m the one tugging on the reins to keep them in line... so what, you think I can just flip a switch and go from babysitter to counselor?” Her tone only grew harsher, more frustrated.

“I want Hagumi to be happy. I do. She’s a sweet girl, and she deserves to feel better... but what do you expect me to do? I have my own problems, I have my own issues... I don’t see anyone going crazy trying to cheer _me_ up!”

“This isn’t about you, Misaki!”

“It never is! Never! Three out of five people don’t even know who I am!”

“So what, you’re going to get revenge on Hagumi-chan by not helping her?”

That earned a hard glare, Misaki nearly leaping out of her seat to slam two hands on the table.

“No. No. Don’t you _dare_ try to twist things around like that.”

“Then what is it?! Tell me! Why can’t you help her?”

“Because I can’t even help myself!”

 

The two stared at each other for a good few moments, completely unable to speak. What could someone even say after that? The air remained dead silent for a painful amount of time, Misaki leaving her hands on the table while Kanon withdrew back into herself. Her arms returned to their usual and safe position, tucked into her lap, gaze trying to look anywhere but Misaki’s face. She desperately wanted to fill the dead air, knowing deep in her heart that if she kept quiet, if she used her usual strategy of trying not to speak up, things would go down hill.

Kanon needed to try and get things back on track, just speak up, fill the dead air, and let Misaki know that you care, that you believe in her. Huffing in a quick breath, she puffed out her chest, lifting her chin to say the most thoughtful and supportive thing she could think of.

Again, Misaki beat her to the punch.

“I’m going to let Kokoro do her thing. You should, too.”

_Disagree, tell her not to give up, tell her to be a good friend!_

“Yeah... I think that’s the best plan.” Immediately, Kanon winced, a deep guilt rising up at how easily she folded. Still, she couldn’t backtrack, and so she faced her lap, wringing her hands. Misaki offered a small word in departure, earning a quick nod and muttered reply from the drummer.

Just like that, Kanon sat in silence, reaching up to idly wipe at her eyes. A heavy sigh escaped her, and she looked up at the sky, not with hope, but with dread.

**Author's Note:**

> Big McThankies from McSpankies to OkapiFeathers for being a beta (more like an alpha) and helping me to really get into the groove for this story. More to come!
> 
> \---  
> Girl visits doctor, says "Doc, I'm so sad! Nothing seems to make me smile any more..." 
> 
> Doctor says. "Ah, just go see a HaroHapi concert, they make the whole world smile!"
> 
> Girl says, "But, Doc, I'm _in_ HaroHapi!"


End file.
